|Aggression Between Multiples|
|One of the hardest tasks for every parent may become dealing with aggression between multiples. Most parents wonder, how much and how often they should intervene in fights, how much should they protect the “victim”. Parents also get worried, when one of the multiples always plays the role of aggressor. In case of constant aggression between your children, there must be several unbreakable rules, established in the family. |
The first rule is that it is up to parents to protect each child from being hurt.
The second rule is that nobody may hurt people or animals. If any or all your children experience the feeling of aggression or anger, they should have some kind of an outlet, like being able to hit a pillow or to punching bag, because they are to realize that things do not feel hurt.
If you notice any of your children fighting over toys, it is the starting point for aggression.
Older multiples may not be engaged in aggression so much as little children, however, they may be arguing with each other nearly all the time. If this arguing occurs within reasonable limits, it has some important psychological functions – it is considered to be the part of the multiples’ individuation process, and it also plays the role of the deflector of tension, which is always present in the families, where there is only one child, arising between one of the parents and child. Arguing also lets multiples fight with an equal as opposed to a parent or older sibling, who, of no doubt, has more power in the family, or a younger sibling, who, is naturally more protected by parents. Still some limits are to be set on arguing, like not letting physical fights, obscenities, fighting during mealtimes.
Being parents, you should keep in mind, that you and your partner are the models for your children. That is when it comes to limit setting, the best way to teach your kids is to show them your own example. You should also keep to the rules, which you set for your children. Behave in a clear, consistent and reassuring way. You should also show your children, that anger and aggression are inevitable parts of live, which you try to deal with through the words, but never with the help of explosions.
In case if you find yourself being not able to stick by your own rules, it is possible for you to apply for some help in order to set limits successfully. The best way out of the situation, like this is to get some help from a spouse, from some supportive friend of yours, from some family member, etc.