Limit setting becomes a particularly difficult challenge, because:
• Twins, triplets or other multiples always move all at once and in different directions not only from physical point of view, but from the emotional as well.
• Your multiples may develop at different rates.
• Multiples are to accomplish the double process of separation, as they must separate not only from their parents, as well as from one another in such a way, that each of them would be able to become an individual and independent person.
• The multiple relationships usually lead to different types of confrontations between them, and all these confrontations do require some definite limits set on aggression. It usually happens at the age of about 9 – 12 months, which is much earlier than with a singleton. With multiples, it happens even before they reach the cognitive and linguistic levels, needed to be able to understand and realize rules of not hurting others.
As soon as your multiples reach the age of “the quest for justice”, when they become older than four years old, limits are to be set in response to each multiple’s needs, as opposed to a group rule, often lead to complaints and struggles about “fairness”. You are aware, that children’s understanding of justice and fairness are much more simplistic, than adults’, parents must usually agree that something is not “fair”, but, still, it is right.
There are lots of possible ways for every parents to set limits for their kids. However, there exist only three basic styles. They are:
Authoritarian limit setting style is the style of parents’ behaviour, when they are highly rigid, and demand from their children to be obedient completely.
Permissive limit setting style is the style of parents’ behaviour, when adults set minimum or rules for their kids, and the rules they do set, they enforce in an erratic way. Such parents often give up their rules to the necessity of the moment. (such a style of parents’ behaviour usually evolves as a response to adults being brought up in an authoritarian style).
Authoritative limit setting style is the style of parents’ behaviour, when clear and consistent rules are set for children, and these rules allow kids quite a broad range of different behaviour models.
Investigations, conducted reveal that the authoritative limit setting style is considered to be the best style of parents’ behaviour for the bringing up their kids. It provides the most optimal balance between self-control (read “obedience”) on one hand and initiative, creativity and responsibility on the other hand.
Having Fun with Your Multiples
Upbringing and raising your children, you will of no doubt face a lot of challenging moments. However, there are bunches of the things, which will make your kids’ toddler years some of the most fun and rewarding for parents.
You should only see what new things your toddlers are going to do every new day, and it will bring you fun and excitement.
• What new word will your multiples say?
• What new type of behavior will your children imitate?
• Will your kids finally get to know how to turn the TV back on, when they get the remote control?
Remember, that with multiple toddlers all these “new” things, their every day explorations and discoveries are extremely surprising and fun.
However, what you should never forget about is keeping a careful eye on your toddlers, keep them both safe and enjoy and appreciate all of the new things they will do.